finally back.

I finally have time to sit down in front of the computer, log on to blogger.com & start thinking about blogging.

It's been so long since I last got time to organise my thoughts.

Work, boyfriend, home; work, boyfriend, home - the vicious cycle.

I don't even have time for my friends, let alone - myself.

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Work has gotten busier since the promotion & the 'birth' of a new outlet.
Colleagues left, new ones arrive, some leaving in 2 months' time.

Things have changed a little since I broke off with the ex, in a good way.

Change is, good. I guess.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, am I at the right job, do I have the right boyfriend.

But once I imagine myself quitting the job, finding something else to do - I find that I actually like it.

So maybe it's just stress.

Thinking if I would find another person who would love me for who I am, another person who would give in to me most of the time.

It's tough.

Choices, decisions. I'd rather stick to the safe side.

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I wonder if I've changed alot since the whirlwind of events that have happened. I bet I have.

I haven't cried in a long time. I always wonder if I've walled up my heart. Kept all my emotions.

So I always keep myself in check. Checking if I'm being too naggy / annoying / possessive / cold / aloof.

He says I'm oblivious (probably am, when I'm not paying attention).

But I get annoyed at the fact that I let that happen, knowing I always think before I act. (ok, maybe not when I have one of my 'bimbo' moments)

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I think I might have the answer.

I no longer have the ability to trust.

I tell her, 'what makes you think he can't lie to you?'.

'words are cheap.'

'he's not even here, how do you know for sure?'

'leopards nv change its' spots'

'if he can do it once, he will do it again'

What happened to my faith in humanity.